Safety First
by BG224
Summary: They've been dating over a year. Of course he's ready to have sex. But considering his unique biology, he might need some special protection. So he goes to an unlikely source to put in a request for condoms that can contain ectoplasm. One-shot.


He took a deep breath and let it out slowly at a three-beat count, "It's okay. This is totally…normal." He grimaced as he lied to himself. "Okay not exactly normal, but we're both seventeen. Practically eighteen minus nine months. We've been dating for over a year. This is totally normal. This happens. It's…" he trailed off as he rubbed his neck, "totally gonna blow up in my face." He hung his head, "Why me?" He questioned the universe as he stared into his hands.

Not for the first time, he cursed the existence of his ghost powers. They interfered with his life far too much. He didn't have a regular sleep schedule, he was always behind in his classes, he had a strained relationship with his peers, many ghosts actively wanted to _kill _him, he had a creepy half-ghost that wanted to brainwash him into his son—he's getting off track. While these are all problems, this isn't what has been making his life difficult lately. The difficulty came from his relationship with Sam. Or rather, the lack of a physical relationship with Sam.

The first time his ghost sense slipped into her mouth and made her choke while they were kissing made them laugh. The heated moment was broken abruptly and it honestly was funny as he looked at her in concern as she coughed up the remains of his icy blue breath. The next few times were more annoying than anything else considering they were being interrupted. But they got used to it and got past it. It was the first time that she went down on him that caused some...other concerns.

She was determined to…she said spitters are quitters. And he found the moment too hot to argue with and his mind was a bit fuzzy and honestly who could blame him as her purple lipstick smeared in new places? It was his first time! He was so close and his hands were tangled in her inkly black hair as her amethyst eyes bored into his own as they dangerously flashed from blue to green. His hands held her in place lovingly and the grip was loose enough that she could've easily gotten out of it which ended up being a good thing. With a moan he finished into her mouth and while she knew what she signed up for, knew that this was her first time so she wasn't an expert, she immediately knew that something was wrong. She jerked away from him and spit up the remains of him onto the hardwood floor and blinked as she realized that mixed into the white steaks were specks of green. Of ectoplasm.

She looked at him in bewilderment. "Do you think there is something you should've mentioned to me, _dear_?" She asked him with her eyebrows raised.

He blinked wearily at her as he came down from his orgasm, eyes showing concern because she hadn't swallowed like she said she would. "Sam? Is everything okay?"

She gestured to his mess, "Don't you think this is something you should've warned me of?!"

He flubbered as he came to the realization, "I never studied the stuff before! I just cleaned it up with a tissue right away!"

It wasn't so bad. Years at Fentonworks told the teens that ectoplasm was safe to ingest at small quantities, as shown by the haunted food Danny often was forced to eat. But the quantities that was ingested were far smaller than well _him_. And considering the few times that his orgasm caused him to transform into his super persona, it was safe to say that his ejacultion could also be laced with ectoplasmic icy slush when in Phantom form.

So Danny had to train to not transform upon orgasm. And the two had stuck exclusively to oral.

But there's only so much a teenage boy can take when he knew his partner was ready and willing to go to the next level. So he had to go to the only people he could to get help. For safety reasons.

With another deep breath Danny entered his parents' lab and cleared his throat to get their attention.

"Dad? Mom?" He grimaced, "I...I need your help."

With a rush of concern, they were all over him. In the years after he was outed as Phantom, his parents were always overly eager to help him with his ghost hunting duties.

"It's nothing serious!" His eyes widened as they guessed his problem, "it's more of a personal...biological problem that I need help with."

"Oh well, that'll be your mother's areas of expertise," boasted Jack proudly as he clapped her shoulder, "leading ectoologist she is."

She smiled at him and swatted his arm lovingly, "Oh Jack." Her attention returned to Danny, "so what is it that I can help you with sweetie?"

'_I…really wish it could've been Dad.' _He closed his eyes and rubbed his neck nervously. "Me and Sam...Sam and I...we're at a point in our relationship where…I love her, _a lot_, and I—"

With wide eyes and spazzing hands Jack stopped him, "Sorry Danny-boy I thought you meant _ghost_ biology." He cleared his throat, "I thought we...already had the birds and the bees talk?" He finished lamely as Maddie gasped and looked at Danny with bug eyes, emphasized by her red goggles. "Oh my baby boy! You want to know about sex?"

His face was flaming hot, an impressive feat for a ghost with an ice core, as he stammered "N-no no I—"

"I guess you've come to that age now. Well, all I can say is that foreplay is very important."

"And Fenton men like to eat afterwards," Jack added helpfully as he emphasized his point with a pat to his stomach.

"Here's some advice. There are seven erogenous zones. The first—"

"CONDOMS!" Danny shouted out in his embarrassment, hands covering his face.

"Oh, you want recommendations? Your dad uses magnu—"

She was cut off by Danny deranged's voice as he pushed his finger in her face, shushing her mouth. "Nooooo," he moaned, almost in physical pain, "don't tell me about your sex lives!"

Jack and Maddie just stared at him as he collected his thoughts in the silence they allowed him.

"I...need...condoms. Special ones. That can…" he closed his eyes shut roughly as he hid his face in his hands again, "that can contain ectoplasm."

The lab was silent for a minute before Mr. and Mrs. Fenton voiced their understandings, "Oh…"

Maddie's mind was abuzz at the news, her scientific mind curious over her son's biology, before short circuiting and being disgusted at herself and the situation. The fluids in discussion were much more disgusting than blood.

Her hesitant hand came to rest on his shoulder as he continued to hide his face. "Sure, sweetie." She gulped, "safety first."

And it was only after he was handed a roll that he realized he should've asked for his dad not to put his face or the family name on the newly titled Fenton condoms. He looked at the roll in horror before dejectedly pocketing some in his wallet. They were going to be useful. And he hoped Sam would have a laugh. It was either that or she'd kick him out of her bed.

And much to his ongoing embarrassment, as the day progressed and he had fumbled with his wallet at the cash register of the Nasty Burger, it was Tucker and Valerie who laughed at him.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading guys! Little Easter eggs and inspiration goes to: Dick Grayson requesting special condoms so he can have sex with Starfire (Teen Titans comics), the erogenous zones Monica teaches Chandler (Friends), and Kitty telling Eric that foreplay is important (That 70's Show).**


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